It Was One Of Those Nights .. Unusual Nights.

Is it the coffee I drunk three hours ago that kept the curtains of my eyes wide open?

Or is it the coming morrow that enthralled every cell in my body and deprived me from a good night sleep..

Or is it you?

Is it my fancy that has drawn these picturesque images I am seeing or are these shades of reality?

How shall I know?

How shall I know what I am feeling?

Oh fantastical imaginings, how much I wish for your dimness to come to an end.

This is not a phase of meditation or self-identification.

Merely questions.. Lucid thoughts of blurred visions that are now penned down.

Ask not about the paradox.

It is like a maze: You know you will be lost; but you still to enter. You still dare; and I still dare to question.

I think it is because of them all.

Eventually, I could not decide. I could not know.

Looking at the bright side: I gained a friend.

It is called Insomnia. I have a feeling we will be close for a while.

At least, I know that.

Happiness is a state of mind that consumes time and reserves memories as a leftover.

Hella , my beloved SoulSister

It has been only a week since the day I took the picture but I miss you dear sister . 
You know that moment when you have a flashback and then you smile ? 
Yeah .. 

DIVING INTO : A Valentine _ _ _ Edgar Allan Poe (1846)

For her this rhyme is penned, whose luminous eyes, Brightly expressive as the twins of Leda, Shall find her own sweet name, that nestling lies Upon the page, enwrapped from every reader. Search narrowly the lines!- they hold a treasure Divine- a talisman- an amulet That must be worn at heart. Search well the measure- The words- the syllables! Do not forget The trivialest point, or you may lose your labor And yet there is in this no Gordian knot Which one might not undo without a sabre, If one could merely comprehend the plot. Enwritten upon the leaf where now are peering Eyes scintillating soul, there lie perdus Three eloquent words oft uttered in the hearing Of poets, by poets- as the name is a poet's, too, Its letters, although naturally lying Like the knight Pinto- Mendez Ferdinando- Still form a synonym for Truth- Cease trying! You will not read the riddle, though you do the best you can do.

This poem bemuses me. My attempt to decode what is within the lines from the first and second reading has failed; yet this is encouraging for me.

"whose luminous eyes, brightly expressive as the twins of Leda. " 

This is reminiscent of Legiea's eyes :

"Those eyes ! Those large , those shining , those divine orbs ! They become to me twin stars of Leda, and I to them the devoutest of astrologers." 

It is understandable for Poe to always refer to his favorite name "Legiea " as she is the goddess of Harmony. Many hints are revealed by the poet. "The measure, the words_ the syllables " restrict the search to the frame of the poem. It diverges us from the aesthetic part of the work. ; that is to say the rhythm., the imageries and the similes are not the focus of the reader. Unusually, Edgar Allan Poe addresses the riddle to the reader and urges him to decipher it.
A thought has come to me. The last letter of each line seems not to work. Nor does the first letter of each line too. Another possible way would be letter one from line one, second letter from second line..
The result is Frances Sargent Osgood 
As always, Poe's poems and generally works are soaked in mystery . However , there is more of an amusing challenge.
I am wondering whether " they " in the fifth line refers to the lines or the eyes, A second thought , it is the "lines" .

"They hold a treasure

Divine -a talisman-an amulet

That must be worn at heart ."

“ Life happens when you are busy making plans “

I constantly think about the future. The tomorrow is haunting my dreams and gulping my life .

I feel a deep melancholy and for some reason angry. 

I have always wanted to be treated , not differently but just right. I counted on some people to beautify my existence but I ended up disappointing myself. Till far,only few worth my trust. However, I cannot deny how scary it is for me: The single thought of being left or forgotten. It scares me because I give too much to not say everything. 

I would like to keep faith in people, to believe that they are not all alike. Otherwise, it would break my heart into pieces reflecting my despair and fear. 

There is indeed a black hole inside of me. A kind of unbearable emptiness is eating me; but my within is silent.

Yes even with these couple of lines, it is still silent. My screams are quiet .

I miss the feeling of belonging ;but I tracked down truth and now I just want to stick to the never ending happiness: The Love Of Almighty God .

[ Published especially for my friend Lizna.. In the process of following each other’s paces]

..~ Muslim Lolita ~..

I wish I knew you girls in person.. I wish I could meet you some day.. laugh with you, take pictures .. capture some beautiful memories .. A world of a pink velvet touch that is so beautiful that it becomes all you think of. Lolita world.. and not just any Lolita. It’s “ Muslim Lolita “ ;

 Don’t be surprised with this new term.  “Muslim Lolita” is like any other kind of Lolita (sweet, gothic..ect) but it is restricted with the Muslim dressing code which manifests in covering the head, arms and legs, basically not showing much skin which what Lolita is about , right?

" Dressing up in the most modest way, reflecting inner beauty and sweetness."

I gathered some pictures of my  f r i e n d s ;  I admire them for real ♥  I really hope they like this, their opinions mean the world for me *O*

..~ Inaudible Cry ~..

Ribbed around the core with a tactless cord

Wondering what have we done wrong..??!

Spent a lot of time waiting for the sun to enlighten the skies

Wanting to smother the ones in disguise

The ones who oppressed us, betrayed us

For how long do we had to bear all this sus?!

Suspicious..Mistrustful.. Cautious

Were the looks on their faces

But, that was the first chapter of the story

Now we moved to the second part

..To the part of the glory

..

Finally..lastly..

We’ve been purged of all sins

Sins of the hazy cynical world

Tracking down traces of loneliness

Craving to help the hopeless ..the aimless

Hoping to restore the divided dream

Before the sorrow spreads and starts to seem

Upon drifted spirits and wafted souls

..To be ferried away..

Terrifically dejected

Tremendously deflated

..

All along the way, the past will keep rankling

You and I my dear, are gonna keep fighting

We’ve been set free before, let’s try not to fall

..Again in this deep curtained hole

Let’s try to retouch it all

There’s still a lot to do

That’s the howling fact

Let’s accomplish the second part, let’s react

..~ Harmony homicide ~..

A label to the crucified soul

Gather in here reply to my call

Gentleness and fragility emanate from you

I’m founding myself permeable in front of you

Your senses and all your strength

Divulged the fiend

He’s brutalized in front of you, the one of kind

Hell’s gate lies open

To the petrified imp, you’re weakening

Waning diminishing dwindling

Let it burn..that demon in the agony of my anger

Let its pain ring .. let its soreness ping

God knows I don’t enjoy it.. its just a transient  satisfaction

That’s gonna plunge me into relief and liberation..